The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain.
This past year I have experienced quite a bit of pain. I took that friendship breakup pretty hard and although I am learning to be my own best friend, I have my days where I really struggle with rejection. To cope with these feelings I have had to do some soul searching and research. Here are some self reminders for when feelings of rejection creep up, that help me deal.
Find the Root of Your Rejection
It took some church counseling and an ugly cry session for me to realize why I was really letting the end of a friendship make me feel so rejected and hurt. Turns out I always wanted a sister and by losing my friend I lost the "sister" I had always longed for. That was a big breakthrough moment for me. Take the time to seek therapy or spiritual counseling to find the root of your rejection.
Remember who you are and whose you are
"Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. Doing so is emotionally unhealthy and psychologically self-destructive" -Guy Winch
We tend to write a list of all of our faults, failures and shortcomings in search of answers as to why it didn't work out. As a Christian I had/have to remind myself that I am the daughter of a King, I am as precious as jewels, wonderfully complex, more valuable than a flock of sparrows and I can go on and on. My Truth and my identity come from the Lord. Even If you aren't a believer, just remember who and whose you are, cling to that. Remember it not working out had nothing to do with you.
Surround Yourself with Loved Ones
Rejection can leave us feeling like we don't belong or we aren't wanted, needed or accepted. Spend time with your family. My family is everything to me and often a great distraction while I overcome the rejection I was left with. Surround yourself with those who do love you. Focus & love those who do love you.
Speak Words of Affirmation to Yourself
You need a boost in moral when your self-esteem is at a low. I have never been big on words of affirmation but sometimes you need those reminders. It is important to remind yourself of your strengths, qualities, accomplishments and talents. Write them down on sticky notes or in a visible place so that when self doubt or negative thoughts come in you can cancel them out with positive truths.
I am the only girl and the youngest of three children, the "baby". I have always been offered love and attention. I've a hard time dealing with rejection because I haven't always had to growing up in a family that has showered my with so much love and acceptance. It has been difficult, but knowing how to limit the feeling of rejection, how to work through those moments, and what to pray for helps me to regroup, refocus and move on.
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I'M ALICIA GIBBS
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